A Letter to My Friends (hopefully?)

Hello?

Is anybody out there?

“Who is it?” you ask…?

Why it’s me, your friend… remember me? We used to hang out? We used to talk on the phone? And when it got really busy we used to at least maybe Facebook message each other or even tweet??

It’s me!!!

(pause)

BLANK STARE.

Silence…

—-

This is how I envision my conversation with 99.9% of my friends once I re-enter the realm of a social life again. Because, to say the least, I’ve been busy…

Have you ever been SO busy, that something had to give?

Well, for me, in order to keep my family strong, and continue working at doing something that I truly enjoy…

my sacrifice lately…

has been my relationships with friends.

So, in order to kill two birds with one stone (get another blog post up and also apologize to all my long lost friends out there) because it may be many-a-day until I get to personally verbalize to each and every one of my friends how much I miss them and still need them in my lives…

I am writing this letter:

———-

Dear friends,

One day I want to thank you properly.

Thank you for all the times you’ve listened to me complain.

Thank you for all the times you’ve let me go on, and on, and on andonandonandonandon… about the things that have been bothering me and bringing me down.

And I want you to know…

that even though I know you don’t expect anything in return, I intend to return the favor.

I miss you. But I know you are all still there for me. (Right?)

Waiting at the cantina down the corner for a Margarita? Waiting for that one time that I might be able to make it out later than 10 p.m.? (because I’ve been up and at ‘em since 5:45 a.m. in the morning!) Waiting for the “Happy Birthday post” on Facebook (which I am lately really random about)? Waiting for that tweet back in response to your tweet directed to me?

I know that you don’t take it personally. (Right?)

You don’t take personally that I am so unresponsive, and that the only way you might have heard from me is at 1 a.m. in the morning via a short text through the “Words with Friends” game about how my most recent word really sucked because I only had all vowels left?

You don’t take it personally that I forgot to call/text back because I lost track of time, and that I haven’t RSVP’ed “Yes” to practically anything for the last 6 months 2 months? (ok… maybe 3-ish months?)

I know that I have good friends. (Right?)

Friends who support me 100%.

Friends who understand that sometimes life gets busy.

Friends who understand that life as a wife, life as a mom of 3, life as a blogger, life as a sister and life as a daughter sometimes gets complicated and chaotic?

So, if you are still out there… please don’t forget me?

Because I’m just a struggling wife, mom, blogger, sister, daughter and so much more.

And, I miss my friends.

Love always,

A true friend, (I promise!)

Kate

P.S. Would love some comments… you know, about how you’ll wait for my life to calm down and still be around when it does? About how you’ve been in the same “busy” spot before? About how you’ve never(?) lost a friend due to being a “bad” friend???

P.S.S. I am again “pouring my heart out” and  linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say to participate in her “Pour your Hear Out” blog carnival. Visit there to check out some other great bloggers who are doing the same!

This entry was posted in Blogging and/or Writing, Friendships, Little Things About Me. Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to A Letter to My Friends (hopefully?)

  1. This is amazing!! I wish that I could send this exact letter to 99% of my friends!
    You did a really great job capturing all of the thoughts and feelings that I’m sure most of us mommies have!
    Thank you for this today! I thought I was the only one who turned into an awful friend when I turned into a mommy!
    Not So Silent Mommy recently posted..Helicopter Dad

    • Kate says:

      It’s funny, I sat down last night to write a completely different post… and this is instead what came out of me… It’s so hard to parent and work and do all the other things we have to do in a day and also be a good friend.

  2. Tara R. says:

    I could have written this same letter. I may ‘borrow’ it for my own neglected friends… if I have any left.
    Tara R. recently posted..The collection

  3. Shell says:

    Your friends will still be there for you.

    Life does get crazybusy. I try to remember that I wouldn’t be offended when a friend gets so busy that we lose touch for a little while… and hope for that same grace in return.
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: When Mom Doesn’t Have the Answers

    • Kate says:

      It definitely does remind you to “return the favor” when you see that someone else is crazybusy and may not have time to socialize. Knowing how hard it is for me to get out, I now never take offense anymore if someone can’t make an event I am hosting. The same applies to blogging – sometimes I wonder why certain “bloggy” friends of mine haven’t left a comment in ages… and then I think about how hard it is for me to always comment and keep up with the blogs I read, and I puts it all in perspective! Thanks for your comment Shell, I LOVE following and reading your posts :)

  4. Random Girl says:

    Been there, know the feeling! Luckily, I have lovely friends that even if months and months pass without contact, we can catch up in an afternoon and pick up exactly where we left off, no harm no foul. The good ones will understand.
    Random Girl recently posted..Quicksand – Indie Ink Challenge

    • Kate says:

      Totally agree, the good ones DO understand. Yet sometimes I am sad about the friends who I enjoy hanging out with that I just haven’t had time to establish them as “good friends”… Sometimes establishing deep friendships is just as much about good timing as it is finding people who share commonalities with you…

  5. MEL says:

    Your friends will be there, especially if they have kids (they understand!).

    But it is important to stay connected with yourself pre-children (as much as possible); that person didn’t go away just because we had kids!

    • Kate says:

      I so agree Mel. It is very hard to maintain relationships with my friends who aren’t in the same “family boat” as I currently am. I try to use Facebook as a way for me to stay connected with these friends… because you never know when one day you might be “on the same boat” again :) They are also great reminders of my life before kids. Thanks for your comment!

  6. Tatum B. says:

    Boy do I know what your feeling! I use to get a little upset when friends went off the grid for awhile but now I get it. Life, in general, gets crazy busy and there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Add in a few kids, spouse, work, school, etc. and somethings definitely got to give.

    As “Random Girl” said, the good one’s will understand!

    • Kate says:

      What makes me crazy Tatum, is knowing that I – like you – used to be upset when my friends “went off the grid” too… You just can’t really understand something till you’ve been there. And now I have…

  7. Lisa says:

    Those who are truly your friends, will always be there.
    Lisa recently posted..PYHO: Trapped

  8. Heather H says:

    Great post! I think we all have a few (dozen) people we could stand to send that to. But good friends will always be there when you need them and also know that we all get swept up in life sometimes.

    Stopping by from PYHO
    Heather H recently posted..PYHO: My Very Own Oxymoron

  9. Luke says:

    Great letter! I may have to post something similar to my friends.

    We just had a Beatles Liturgy at church and I was tempted at doing a whole sermon on John’s words of “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Gotta take time to stop and smell the roses, consider the lilies, the ravens, the sparrows, and be with friends and family. I LOVE being with friends and family. Why are they not my top priority?

    I struggle with this often Kate, thanks for putting my struggle and confession so eloquently.
    Luke recently posted..A Chat About God, the Universe and All There Is, and the Meaning of Life

    • Kate says:

      It’s so hard to maintain an adequate balance among everything Luke… this is a topic that has been hitting home with me a lot lately… you’ll have to check out my post that goes up tomorrow on Mothers’ Central titled: No Offense, I Think We’ll Stay Home Tonight :). I’ve obviously been trying to find a balance… just somewhat unsuccessfully. With that being said – see you tonight ;) Maybe Kate can come and you can have some “quality friends AND family” time (you know – kill two birds with the same stone?) LOL.

  10. Kristin @ What She Said
    Twitter: SaidKristin
    says:

    Like everything else in life, maintaining friendships is a balancing act. And true friends will always be there, happy to plan a get-together or chat on the phone or even just a quick convo on Facebook (which is how I keep up with most of my IRL friends these days during the long gaps between actually seeing them in person).

    Glad to know I’m not alone! :)
    Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Happy. Healthy. Loved.

  11. It’s so tough to manage it all, isn’t it? I find that I’m awful about returning calls, and then I feel so guilty. Ugh.

    I’m sure your friends understand, because we are all in the same boat!
    Missy @ Wonder, Friend recently posted..Goodbye, TV

  12. Ado says:

    Hi Kate,
    Could I borrow your letter, Xerox it and mass-mail it out to all of my friends? I just had a friend get pretty upset w. me for not being able to get together as a family w. her family (okay, for the past year…my bad). I had gotten too busy – but the thing is – every one of my mom-friends seems to get busier and busier as the kids get into more activities – but somehow we all “get this” and give each other a wide, wide berth…and in this particular case – I needed a year.
    One thing I love about mom-friends they get it, so we take what we can get from our best girlfriends, and somehow that’s enough. (-: Love your letter.
    Ado recently posted..When You’re A Mom, Forever Just Isn’t Long Enough

    • Kate says:

      Borrow and copy away! One less thing for you to do – one more thing to easily check off your to-do list ;)

      *Note how I even multi-tasked a blog post with making sure I spoke to ALL my friends!? Rest assured that I made sure to Facebook/Tag/Notify/Tweet the post to all my friends – Wow! That’s a lot accomplished with one post :) LOL… not really – but at least its a start!

  13. Leslie says:

    Kate – I feel like I am in that “busy” spot almost all the time… and I consider myself far less busy than you! You have so many balls in the air, and you do an exceptional job at staying on top of them all. I feel like in my life there is a rotating focus (in no particular order) on the relationships and prioritieis in my life… from my marriage, kids, extended family, career, community involvement, friends, and even myself. It’s not that I let all of them go at the expense of focusing on only one… it’s just that one may receive more focus than the others at a given time. I think it’s just the way life goes. You can’t give 100% to everything all of the time. And the others are right, a true friend understands this and will be there in the end!

    Your blog did inspire me to send a quick ‘hello’ email to several friends that I think about often but have not been in touch with in a few months. They are all out of town so opportunities to see each other are limited, but that shouldn’t prevent me from sending them an email, text or phone call to touch base. I know they understand the stretches between communications, but reminders that we are thinking of them go such a long way. And when we see each other next we’ll be able to pick up right were we left off. :)

    Kudos to your blog post – well said!

    • Kate says:

      Thanks Leslie… This whole “busy thing” has been bugging the heck out of me lately! I sat down last night to write a completely different post and THIS is what came out instead. I’m glad my post inspired you to reach out. :) See you Saturday at the ONE THING I have RSVP’ed “Yes” for :) LOL.

  14. First time commenting here. Great blog!!!

    Since becoming a mother I’ve seen much more of an ebb and flow to my friendships. The longtime friends I’ve had since before getting married. They are still there. But it’s the friends I’ve made since being a wife and mother.

    The friends my husband and I made after becoming a couple, well half of them have ended in divorce and it’s hard to know which side to be on and those tend to become distant.

    As I’ve become a mother those friendships have been difficult to maintain as well. When they are all babies and you are in a playgroup you all have some common ground. Sleepless nights, teething, colds etc. But once they start getting into school (most of the time they are at different schools) and have the ability to make their own choices in friends, it gets more difficult to get together to maintain your friendships.

    Staying in better contact with my friends is the one thing on my to-do list that always gets pushed to the bottom….but shouldn’t. Thank you for that reminder!
    Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Octopus Envy

    • Kate says:

      We all need a reminder every once in a while to remember our friends. I can see how once they are in school it might get more difficult to keep up your “play date” friendships as moms. My oldest starts 3rd grade next year and my middle will be in Kindergarten all day. I already see that they are doing more and more with friends at school and less and less with their friends in the form of play dates at our home. A lot of this has to do with Extra Curricular activities. Right now, that tends to be where I see many of my other mom friends – soccer tournaments, T-ball games, and swim meets. It’s so funny how quickly life continues to change and how you constantly have to be adjusting how your maintain your relationships.

      Thanks so much for visiting my blog. I hope you’ll return again. I loved reading about your overnight get-away with your husband! I need one of those soon! :)

      • Oh yes, the Extra Curricular activites! We are just gearing up for soccer season and this will be the first year both of my older boys will be playing. Should be interesting!

        I’ll definitely be back! Love your blog. Signed up for emails! :)

        I’m glad you liked the post about our date night and hope you stop by my way again soon!
        Hopes@Staying Afloat! recently posted..Saved By A Date

  15. Kim says:

    I know my friends understand, and that’s what makes them the best of friends, but our friendships still suffer because I don’t keep in touch with them. I miss knowing the details of their lives instead of just the big picture. They have other friends who are moms and I know they see how full and exhausting our days are, and they are so wonderful to be supportive by being understanding. I just wish I was as good a friend for them as they are for me. I think I should send a letter like this to my friends, too. It’s always been unspoken, but I want them to know how I feel.
    Kim recently posted..Blogging Series Day 1: First Posts

    • Kate says:

      The best of friends, don’t expect much in return for friendship. But I have to believe that SOME DAY I will make it up to all those friends who stuck through the tough times with me. And I also have to believe that I will get to return the favor of our friendship to them someday. Because I want to return the favor so much. Thanks for reading (and commenting) on my blog today Kim!

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