Allowing myself to do that which (at first glance) seemingly only benefits me – is always much more challenging than initially anticipated.
Take for instance a recent Friday morning.
I had made arrangements to attend a group tennis lesson preceded by an early morning Yoga class.
Sounds like a really nice Friday morning – yeah?
The fact of the matter is: managing 3 hours of “me time” requires a ridiculous amount of detailed planning – from arranging breakfast and babysitters, to pre-packing swim bags and lining up carpools.
Needless to say, it was not as simple as just get-up-and-go. (Is it ever?)
In fact, “get-up and go” is rarely a term I find myself using anymore.
And always, just steps behind my extensive planning for “me time” is the growing voice of guilt trying to weave its way into my day and hunting for any moment of weakness to break through my wall of self confidence.
That Friday morning of yoga and tennis… guilt almost found me.
It pounded to be let in.
Guilt whispered ever-so-subtly how yoga and tennis lessons should not be worth all these absurd arrangements with way-too-hard-to-implement plans.
Yet, there was one thought which managed to keep my wall of confidence from crumbling.
One thought that has saved me again and again, allowed me to help block out the loud nagging voice of guilt and which I felt imperative to share here.
And that thought is:
I want to show my children that they are important
by modeling that I value my own health and personal life.
As my children become adults, I want them to remember the importance of their own health and sanity.*
*Even now as I type this guilt is trying to tell me how selfish this sounds. But – Insert figures in ears – NAH, NAH, NAH – I’m not listing.
I used to think as a mother that I wasn’t doing my job if I focused too much on my own needs and not solely on my kids.
But that’s were I believe I went wrong.
I neglected to realize that guilt is a very good liar.
Guilt worked overtime in it’s pursuit to convince me that I was not that important.
This truth is, as parents, focusing on our own health and personal well being DOESN’T just benefit us. If you are not doing for yourself what you want for your kids, how can you possibly model to them self worth?
When my own children become parents, I don’t want them to believe that their own lives don’t have as much value as their children’s.
We are our children’s role models.
I need to remember that, and never allow guilt to let me believe differently.
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